18 July 2012

Futur

It's been a little over a week as the final exam ended. Allah Akbar, let's just pray for the worst semester so far, Allah has made it clear that my field will not be either with babies or pregnant mothers. After one day of short break, I headed to Cairo to attend a daurah. Here's the thing about our daurahs, it is usually prepared badly, there were no prior schedule set up so we usually keep a leveled head and keep with the flow without knowing what will we do next.

It's not about following schedules anyway, it's about committing yourself to a self-improvement classes for the greater good. The key is to keep an open mind.

Anyway, after a few days in Cairo, we went home after a marvelous three days with the brothers, we gained a lot and let's just hope those days were not wasted. As I arrived home I found the house to be empty as all my roommates has gone back to Malaysia.

Allah, I have never felt so empty. It's very awkward to find myself in a position where I just got home from a daurah, yet I felt so vulnerable. The thing is that my apartment wasn't that crazy anyway, each of us usually do our own stuff. But knowing that there are someone in the other room is assuring in a way that I cannot put in words, and I will never let this little nikmah to be underappreciated again.

It's also funny to find myself on the bottom of the roller coaster, or 'futur' in jamaie slang, just right after a daurah, which to be fair I wasn't really excited to go in the first place. With all that has been going on, I have never felt so lonely. And it has been like this ever since I got back from Cairo, the littlest things tick me off and no matter what I do I can't seem to keep a cheery note. Possibly the scorching weather might be a contributor, naudzubillah. You need to bathe at least three times a day to keep yourself from overheating.

Yep, futur and I am not ashamed to admit it. I have not recite the Quran for at least four days, I didn't go to the mosque like I used to, and don't get me start on the other things. Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah.

Great philosophers once said that those who knows himself knows God. So here I am making a crappy post trying to figure out what caused me to be this way. One, I can't be alone because then I would procrastinate, yeah that word would do. Two, I need to find a way to keep myself cool for another eleven days, or I will go crazy. Three, I need to improve my relations with my friends. Four, I need my own plan because depending on others will lead to disappointment as they can never understand your standard. Haha

Allah, please help me.

p/s: Result keluar hari ni. Doakan yang terbaik. (Nervous like hell)

06 July 2012

Hopeless

Have you ever felt hopeless? 

As you are in a moment where it makes you feel like everything is against you, where nobody living or dead can relieve you from this...burden. Yeah we've all been through the same crap everyday. And in times like today, when exam, among other things, is just around the corner and 'unprepared' is a very, very enormous understatement. And as a boy barely out of his teenage angst the melodramatic trait is still there being a huge part of my life.

But then I saw this man.
Near my house there is a man around his mid twenties who suffered from a type of neurological condition that caused him his control of his body. Every day after Asr until late night, his relatives will leave him in front of the mattress store they work in. And he will sit there, talking (or mumbling, more like) to himself and those patient enough to be around him about God knows what. At the end of the day his brothers will bring him back home until tomorrow starts again, where the cycle will repeat itself.

I doubt he has ever left Mansoura, as he can barely walk by his own.

His condition made me think what a crybaby I was, so the lesson here is that I should man up and celebrate my perfect life, because there are a lot of people out there who settle for far less than what I have and they are happy. :) 

After all, Allah is the nearest to us when we're down, isn't He?

A true man's character is revealed in times of crisis. 
 
 
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