16 January 2012

Corricular Islam

I have always admire the buddhist monks. They have devoted their life for a greater purpose and have completely dissociated themselves with the world.

Those kinds of commitment deserve a billion praises, even if it is contradicting Islamic teachings. Islam teaches us that even though we have to devote ourselves to Allah, we still have a human side in us, with needs and desires to be fulfilled. We need to balance life with the akhirat. 

Sorry, I am a muslim. And as a practicing muslim I have always evaluated and interpreted everything I see around me even through movies with the guides of the holy Quran and sunnah. You could argue the logic behind my point of views, but the word of God will always be my priority no matter how painful it gets me. Yes it did, it became painful. But we believe that Allah knows better.

Sounds ignorant, I know.

Yesterday we had a talk with a brother a little older than me, about how certain situations in his life have changed the way he sees the world surrounding him. We all have those kinds of situations. The most intruiging part of his talk was how he stood by his principles through and through and went completely the opposite from what the people around him wanted him to be. He was forced to become a doctor, but he resisted, and won! Well being in a Malaysian school of science we were expected to become either engineers or doctors, and I did just that; I took medicine.

The truth is I am not a huge fan of the human body and I am certainly have never thought of spending the rest of my life working through blood, vomits, stinks, poos, urines, pus, scars, or anything that you think is disgusting about the human body for a living. So apparently I am also, a pressured member of society.

I am not dropping medicine though.

But to indulge myself in an alternate life where I would follow my heart instead of become what society wants me to be, now that is something I love even more than medicine. I am a little imaginative that way you could say, the kindest word I could think of because a 'dumbass' is not politically correct to be used here.

My interests lays more in the department of languages, civilisations, cultures (not the wedding-y crappy nonsense, but like how the Malays preferred practices), psychology and self-building. Imagine if I followed my heart instead, how different life would be. But hey, I am in a very good place right now, and I would not trade it with anything.

I learned to accept the fact that this is going to be my life until I am sixty or seventy years old. Accepting the fact which is to understand that I eat, sleep, pray, talk, work and think medicine. To enjoy something you must become one with it, and by perceiving medicine as only a mean of gaining lots of cash in a short period of time is not becoming one with it. 

And the non-medical people will never understand how rewarding this is to me, how exciting it is to gather information, to differentiate between the real and the fake ones,  to come up with a logical explanation about how it happens in a certain way, to treat it, and to imagine oneself to be in the patient's shoes because they did not go through what I did in medical school.

And that is Islam to me. For a non-practicing muslim or a non-muslim, they can never understand why we do and think a certain way (hudud, sharia, hijab etc.) because they did not grow up and become affiliated with groups of Islamic-thinking people. They did not read the Quran without feeling prejudiced against it. Lucky me I went through that period of questioning every logic Islam put on me and after a few years, I have understood, I am never before a stronger believer.

I even questioned the existence of God. Not anymore.

My religion is not a corricular activity to my life. And as I eat, sleep, pray, talk, work and think Islam, I am enjoying every second of it. :)

I wish I could be as brave as the brother before. To stick to my principals instead of being a society puppet.

Coffee beans, carrot and an egg. When put into hot water, carrot and egg changed because of their surrounding. But the coffee bean; it changes its surrounding.

Be the coffee bean.

03 January 2012



Since the past three years, there were lots of changes happened to me spiritually or physically. Physically, I've become leaner to say the least, I have aged well, and I have started jogging. Spiritually, I have experimented with several dawah groups hence putting me where I am today, where I know what and how to speak my mind, up to a certain point but well, honestly I have lots more to learn.

Socially, where my changes I am proud to say that I have made a lot of progress. Today, the least I could say is that I can talk to people, where the awkwardness has simply decreases substantially since the past three years. I have a lot of people to thank, I have Allah by my side who broke the ice for me, for giving me guidance and the confidence that I needed. Even if I have still loads to learn.

But there were times when some of the stuff around me got the best of me. I was put under pressure to become what THEY want be to be, instead of doing the right thing. I was stuck between two sides where my decisions and my presence became the fitna to the group that I have affiliated with. I was put into a position where I have to choose between two, although I am at least comfortable at where I am today.

I myself know my problem and I shall make the right decision with the right people.

I would be glad to sit down with them and explain my situation, but how can someone who has never tried to eat nasi lemak becomes the judge on how should a nasi lemak tastes like?

I should know my limit
I should know my role
I should know where i stand
I won't get paranoid
I won't get affected

Hoping for a great year of changes ahead of me insyaAllah :)
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