31 March 2011

Penat Mengalah

Back in school I used to dislike history. Everything about history, no matter how hard I tried to push myself to memorize all the damn dates, places, names, acts, and all the crap that goes with it, I just can't do history. Ah if only history could bore people to death, I would be one of the victims.

But today I've learnt that to remember the past is one way to keep yourself on check. To not repeat the stupid things you did once before, to understand the reasons behind you acted a certain way, to understand why the people around you be what they are when they are around you.

Especially, since you are this far in life. Where you could not afford to repeat the idiosyncrasies and the moronic behavior you once thought were hip or cool. Especially, since you saw this being pulled out of a person's stomach through a hole no bigger than the mouth of a bottle.

This is a gall bladder. A few days ago I was given the opportunity/permission whatever you wanna call it to enter in and out of the operating theater in the university hospital. No, to some of you this must've seen as show off-y or lame, but to me this is a memorable event that gives me a glimpse of what I am ten, twenty years from now.

I mean, ten years from now I could be one of those doctor in the room, in charge of controlling the knives and scissors being shoved into a man's abdomen, or doing an colonoscopy, or palpating the nodular tumors that has been growing incessantly in a poor woman's cheek. But how could I be someone in control of such a huge responsibility?

When I still have problems with family? When I still argue with my friends for some stupid reasons? When I still cannot pass a day without one prayer performed at the very last minute of its given time?

Yeah you may say this things are normal, (sh)it happens and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Probably. I just wish I could please everyone, because I am sick of being the guy whom people always put the blame on. I guess, although I am the second youngest in the family, I've been the grown up far longer than I should.

Maybe someday, being selfish for once might not be such a bad thing to do. 

28 March 2011

The woes of being an Ustaz

On a early Friday morning in Jeddah when my retard roommate Amin and I were rushed to the airport only minutes before the bus drove to the airport, two Al-Azhar undergraduates were expressing thoughts about what life would be after Egypt.

Ustaz A : Ente lepas grad nanti nak buat apa?
Ustaz B : Erm err. (the early morning must've came hard on this guy)
Ustaz A : Ye la, takkan nak amek satu bidang (agama) je. 
Ustaz B : Erm err. Tak tau la.
Ustaz A : Kalau ena, ena macam minat sains politik (at this point I pursed my lips together controlling myself from producing any retort)


There are a lot of raised questions here. We shall go through them one damn question at a time.

Question 1 : What does 'takkan nak amek satu bidang je' means? Does it mean that your particular field you are taking aren't prestigious enough or that you're not sure if your qualification is not good enough for you too participate and play your role in society? If you are at most two years shy from your degree I'm sorry but you're in the wrong business since you haven't figure out what you're gonna do with all that knowledge in your head.

Or maybe there isn't any?

Question 2 : Sains Politik? Dalam banyak-banyak bidang itu yang ente nampak? And put all those years memorising all those verses, all those quotes for nothing? Do you even know what political science is all about anyway?

Funny. Dear Ustaz, in our beloved Malaysia, there are people who doesn't even know what rukun iman is. There are people who have problems reading the Quran. There are people who thinks that porn is of no sin and this particular guy is a minister. Making babies are technically a sport, to see who can dispose their bastard child the best, and bonus marks to anyone who is cruel enough to kill their babies with the most gruesome technique. 

Pluralism, for instance, is running rampant.  

We need every ustaz we could have our hands on. I believe you read the newspapers. That goes without saying. 

22 March 2011

So full of life, so little responsibility.

Salam people.

When I saw this picture, I see youth. I see freedom, I see carefree, I see opportunity. I also see a whole lot of extra time. If you don't see these, I'm sorry because your life is bitter and colorless. I remembered the time when we played bola cop as a ten-year-old, and when we were searching for sticks long enough to play konda-kondi, or when we put our shoes together in a circle and sang along the police-sentry anthem together.

So full of life, so little responsibility.

Today, over ten years later, we are not as free anymore. The times we used to waste absent mindedly are long gone. Today we walk around the university with a white lab coat in our bag packs. Today we carry stethoscope in our pockets. Today the first thing we remember when we wake up is, "what have I not study yet for today?", or "what have I forgotten from yesterday?"

Today, unlike a year ago, three different session lectures of which each usually took at least an hour to complete are compressed into one single ball of mind-blowing confusion.

Today we even consider marriage Haha yes. Don't act so innocent, we all do it, to imagine our lives with our purportedly special someone. I wish to be 19 forever, but you can't always get what you want kan? 

I guess it is time to take life more seriously. I just wish I won't lose the fun side of me, as in I wish when I am thirty-five, I still love to travel, to listen to music, to watch and collect movies, to read a book once in a while. Because well, I heard that becoming a doctor is like selling your soul to the devil.

I want to live.

p/s: picture taken by Ahmad Fikri Ahmad Nazari, classmate from year 2007. 

21 March 2011

New Old Egypt

Salam people.

It looks like life is back on track. Here I am in a foreign land pursuing my studies towards doctor-hood along with all the dusts, the honkings, the crowd, the massive traffic jam, the unavailability of excellent services. Tomorrow, class will officially kicks off with the first PBL for the first case. May peace be upon this land until I graduate.

There are some minor differences between the pre- and the post-revolution of the country, one of it is welcomed with great blessings especially from us of Malaysian blood, which is the Cleanliness Campaign. Mind you, cleanliness is still a major issue in Egypt unlike Malaysia. Thank God we have moved forward long way down the road.

This is one of the pictures I took a snap at night. Meh, not a very compelling or convincing poster to start with, at first I was like yeah bitches be crazy but like people say it's the thought that counts. May this campaign is not another warmth of a chicken's droppings (hangat-hangat tahi ayam) effort.

Another thing is of 20 million that casted their vote yesterday 77% said yes to constitutional changes, which means, quote "The changes eliminate restrictions on political rights and open the way for parliamentary and presidential elections within months." Click HERE.

Let's pray for the best for this country. 

p/s : still in no mood for anything. 

08 March 2011

We are taught to fear Allah instead to love Him.


Last weekend may be one of those weekend I would never forget with hundreds of ringgit spent, but I have nothing to say about it. I have simply lost my inspiration to write, albeit how trash it may be. I've always have something to say so what is happening here?

Anyway last Friday I went to IIU to attend a seminar about misconceptions in the four main religions in Malaysia. It started right before isya prayer and wrapped up just around 11 pm.Truth be told although I've gained enormous understanding (basic though) about Hinduism and Buddhism, I am a little more than disappointed with the Islam representative. While brother Shah Kirit has made his points both precise and short, I just wish that he would elaborate more about the misconceptions, meaning actually giving us the answer instead of presenting us with the problems and leave us hanging.

To be fair he was only given 20 minutes to give his speech so you can't really blame him.

The conclusions I drew from the seminar were :
  • Most of us claimed to be monotheistic, in our own unique way representing different forms of one.
  • Even the followers can misunderstood their own faith.
  • There is a huge difference between tolerating and accepting one another and 'accepting' is a confusing thing to do.

Just today I found some links online about fellow Malaysian muslims who were born muslims have left us (I sincerely hope not forever) for Christianity (HERE). I have not the strength to read them all, not because I was afraid but rather, I was sad. The ground reason for them to leave Islam was not because of them rejecting the fundamental ideas of Islam but rather of how Muslims like ourselves potray Islam.

We are taught to follow the rules but we are not taught about the reasons behind them.

Most importantly, we are taught to fear God instead to love Him.

Example : when we speak to our fellow Muslims about hijaab, which comes to mind first, the blessings Allah bestows upon a woman when she covers herself or the wrath of hell waiting for her when a single hair from her head is unknowingly sticking out of her forehead?

Or when mothers telling their children jangan tinggal solat nanti masuk neraka instead of pegi solat, nanti Allah sayang.

We greet each other with love (the salaam), we started the day with Allah's promised love for us (the basmalah) and we go  to sleep with His name, but we separate this from our daily lives in about everything else.

Fear may work for upper-zealous-classmen, don't get me wrong, fear does work because men are tend to step on heads (pijak kepala) but for some other Allah's love needs to be put out there more, make it more visible. I remembered a book I read years ago entitled Taqwa : Takut tapi Rindu by  Tuan Guru Haji Abdul Hadi Awang. The book was pocket-size, so imagine the brilliance behind the simplicity to convey the beautiful truth. 

Khalifah Islam kedua,Umar Al-Khattab bertanya kepada Ubai bin Ka'ab,"apakah hakikat taqwa?'
Ubai bertanya pula,"pernahkah Amirul Mukminin melalui jalan yang banyak onak dan duri? '
Umar menjawab, "ya.'
Ubai bertanya lagi,"Bagaimana?'
Umar menjawab,"saya berjalan dengan waspada dan bersungguh-sungguh supaya tidak memijak atau terpijak onak dan duri.'
Ubai menjawab,"itulah hakikat taqwa.'
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