Back in school I used to dislike history. Everything about history, no matter how hard I tried to push myself to memorize all the damn dates, places, names, acts, and all the crap that goes with it, I just can't do history. Ah if only history could bore people to death, I would be one of the victims.
But today I've learnt that to remember the past is one way to keep yourself on check. To not repeat the stupid things you did once before, to understand the reasons behind you acted a certain way, to understand why the people around you be what they are when they are around you.
Especially, since you are this far in life. Where you could not afford to repeat the idiosyncrasies and the moronic behavior you once thought were hip or cool. Especially, since you saw this being pulled out of a person's stomach through a hole no bigger than the mouth of a bottle.
This is a gall bladder. A few days ago I was given the opportunity/permission whatever you wanna call it to enter in and out of the operating theater in the university hospital. No, to some of you this must've seen as show off-y or lame, but to me this is a memorable event that gives me a glimpse of what I am ten, twenty years from now.
I mean, ten years from now I could be one of those doctor in the room, in charge of controlling the knives and scissors being shoved into a man's abdomen, or doing an colonoscopy, or palpating the nodular tumors that has been growing incessantly in a poor woman's cheek. But how could I be someone in control of such a huge responsibility?
When I still have problems with family? When I still argue with my friends for some stupid reasons? When I still cannot pass a day without one prayer performed at the very last minute of its given time?
Yeah you may say this things are normal, (sh)it happens and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Probably. I just wish I could please everyone, because I am sick of being the guy whom people always put the blame on. I guess, although I am the second youngest in the family, I've been the grown up far longer than I should.
Maybe someday, being selfish for once might not be such a bad thing to do.