I've entered a very dark territory where I started to not care about the 'bad deeds' I've been doing.
The difference about being negative and being realistic is major. Being negative is to expect the worst from everything, and being realistic is to consider the cons of any situation. For example, when you study for an exam, there is a possibility for you to barely pass the minimum marks if your effort is just so-so. This is called being realistic, you don't expect an excellence from someone with an average IQ with average work.
This is called the Laws of Life. Sunnatullah. The saying 'you reap what you sow' is brilliantly accurate, you don't get strawberries when you use tomato seeds. You get what you worked for. One plus one will always be equal to two, and if there is somehow a way for one plus one to become another number, please forgive my ignorance. From sunnatullah comes physics, mathematics, economics, grammar, psychology, and anatomy and if I have the energy to write all of them, I might have.
There is also a hadith where Allah said , 'I am what you expect from Me.' Aku adalah seperti sangkaan hamba-Ku. Yes you should expect the best from God, naudzubillah do not ever expect the worst from Him, because your words, albeit out loud or in private are your prayers. But before this law comes to order, Sunnatullah comes first.
Bill Gates didn't gain $50 billion over night, he worked his ass off creating an empire where today millions of people are using his products excessively.
Saladin didn't conquer Al-Quds willy nilly, his dedication to God, his determination and his effort to please Him were legendary, a billion of good deeds from today's billion Muslims may not equate to what he had done in the past.
So you expect that Allah will give you Mumtaz with that kind of effort along with your bad records. Really? When you are just another slave of Allah bearing no difference whatsoever to the man next to you, how could you expect that Allah will give you the best? O Allah You knows best for us. Adalah lebih baik jika kelebihan yang dikurniakan Allah itu ditarik balik sekiranya ianya merupakan istidraj.
So, never stop praying so that Allah gives you the best, at the same time you never stop trying to earn your way through. Allah loves those who depends on Him (not that He needs one though )
“Allah created every thing and assigned to its qadar, destiny, role and purpose” (25:2, 87:3)